Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
