I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
