Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
