I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
