I am spending my child support on dildos
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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