Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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