you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
