i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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