I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
