At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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