Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
