I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
birth control should be required to get into college
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
