I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
