I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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