U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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