Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
