idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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