Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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