Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
