Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
