my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
