Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
