Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
