Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
