2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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