about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A bitchslap is in order.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
