She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my sisters under your porch take her home
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
