i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
