I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
