I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
