Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
