I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
