Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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