I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
