K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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