you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
