my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
