The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
