do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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