Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
