I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
