so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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