i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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