So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize