The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
