the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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