Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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