I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
