There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
