I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
