saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had to cum in my sink.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize