omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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