You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she peed on how many people?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
