where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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