I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
