I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
