I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
