Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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