Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize