my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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