I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up under a house in Key West
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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