I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
