so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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