Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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