matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
