I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
