the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
